Guest Post by: Maria Dowd
I prefer to soak in the tub alone.
He prefers to soak together.
He prefers leisure walks hand-in-hand.
I prefer to speed walk together.
I’d rather get into bed earlier rather than later to cuddle.
He’d rather cuddle on the couch, stay up as long as he can hold out, then fall asleep in front of the TV.
He inserts “I” when I insert “we.”
I insert “I” when he inserts “we.”
Toe may toe.
Toe mah toe.
Who’s right?
Who’s wrong?
Uhhhh…neither.
Funny how we strive to create CULTURE and COLLABORATION with the outside world, but often neglect to do the same at home.
Then we find ourselves feeling tired, voiceless, constrained, depleted, disrespected, under-appreciated, used and abused…leaving doors open for other mess to creep in.
First things first, take stock of your individul and collective value systems, beliefs and role expectations. This requires self-reflection and honesty, then loving, safe, 2-way conversations .
Create verbal or (better yet) written agreements of how each family member will BE and DO, along with the payoffs and rewards each family member will realize with kept promises, fulfilled tasks and mindful handling of breakdowns and growth opportunities.
Here are few questions to ponder:
Do you see “problems” as opportunities?
Do you strive for quality interactions?
Do you encourage leadership and responsible decision-making for even the youngest of family members?
Do you know and support one another dreams and aspirations?
Do you work to ensure that every family member feels that they are contributing tremendous value to the family and their own burning desires?
Do you celebrate everyone’s wins – large and small, in real time?
Do you “self-check” before complaining?
Are you involved in one another’s lives in ways and at levels that make a positive difference?
Do you honor one another’s desires to have interests outside of your blended lives.
Do you strive for greater wisdom and personal transformation?
Do you consciously choose love, peace, respect and harmony?
About the Author: Maria Dowd, is a naturalista, former producer of African American Women on Tour empowerment conferences; and is the owner of Sol City Beauty Company, distributor of DESIGN ESSENTIALS® hair care products, including DE’s NATURAL line. Visit her online store follow on Facebook here.
